


Dirty Little Secret

by DevilishDaddy



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Cheating, Fisting, Incest, M/M, Rough Sex, Urine, father-in-law/son-in-law
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:44:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilishDaddy/pseuds/DevilishDaddy
Summary: Where in Rick and Jerry fuck in a cost effective but amazingly designed hotel room with a bed big enough for an orgy!





	Dirty Little Secret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnathemaAuthoress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnathemaAuthoress/gifts).



> Hello there, reader, and thank you for taking a gander at my Rick/Jerry one-shot, "Dirty Little Secret". I wrote this as a request from a friend and as a little treat for a pairing in our happy little community that–frankly–doesn't get enough love. I hope you all enjoy this first Rick and Morty fan fiction!

          “Fuck you, Jerry!” Rick scoffed and tossed his hand in the air to indicate he was done and he was leaving the dining room and the unwanted conversation. “I-errugh-I’m a fucking genius. I don’t have to stand here and listen to this shit.” 

          With Rick gone the room fell instantly silent. 

          Morty poked at his mash potatoes and contemplated comforting his father, but he decided it was best not to get involved. After all, both his father and grandfather were being ridiculous. Neither of them were in the right, so comforting either one of them would be a wasted and even reductive use of time. 

          Summer sighed and shook her head. She agreed with Rick, though she wouldn’t admit it today. Rick hadn’t taken her on a mission in two weeks and she was rather miffed about that fact still. 

          Beth just kept on trying to ignore the squabble. It had been like this all week, a never-ending pissing match between her dad and her husband. It was usually like that between the grown-assed man-babies she loved so much, but they hadn’t been able to be in the same room with each other for more than a minute without trying to verbally disembowel one another all week. And it always ended the same way. Rick left on the last word and Jerry pined for attention, then Jerry went for a walk to “clear his head”. Frankly, Beth was starting to bore of the routine.

          “Ugh!” Jerry huffed, looking around the table with one eyebrow raised ridiculously high in exaggerated disbelief. “Can you believe him? I mean, _honestly_! I just- Ooooh!” He pushed his dinner plate away with both hands as he took in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and made a show of being the mature guy who doesn’t start cursing at the dinner table. When his little show was over, he stood and thanked his wife for the meal. “I’m sorry but I think I just need to take a little steam off the top. I’m going for a walk.” He turned to leave and was through the dining room doorway when he heard Summer speak up.

          “No one says that.” 

          The sound was passive aggressive, her words hidden in that annoying obscurity just above a whisper. Jerry paused his exit and turned. “What was that, sweety?” He had honestly missed what she had said, though her brother and mother had not. Morty couldn’t hold back a disapproving grin as he took a bite of his chicken strip. It was sad how hopeful Jerry sounded, clearly looking for validation and an excuse to get back to his meal, so Morty knew he shouldn’t find Summer’s Rickish behavior amusing. But he did. He found it almost ridiculously charming today.

          “I said no one says that,” Summer clarified in a flat tone. Jerry seemed genuinely confused. There was a pause, but without looking up from her phone, Summer clarified. “I’m pretty sure no one worth quoting has ever said that they want to ‘take a little steam off the top’.” 

          Morty couldn’t help himself. He scolded his sister with a smile cracking his serious lecture. “I-I don’t think that’s true, Summer. You know, I bet there is are coffee cup people somewhere who say that kind of thing all the time.” 

          Summer looked up from her phone annoyed and about to say something snarky in response when she saw Morty’s expression. She began to hold back a laugh before saying, “Ohh-! Sorry, Morty.” Her tone was now sarcastic. “I didn’t realize you were so hard up for political correctness regarding fucking tea-cup people.” 

          They stared at each other for a moment, both sets of lips pulled in as they tried to hold it all back, but they broke and laughter filled the dining area. Jerry’s expression dropped and he excused himself without another word. The last thing he heard clearly before making his way to the far left side of the house was Morty snorting while calling Summer out on calling his coffee people their hated tea-specied rival race. 

 

          Jerry looked around cautiously. He didn’t see anyone peering his way, or really anyone in eye range at all, so he tapped on the wall connecting the left side of the garage and the outside world. Suddenly, a bright green vortex opened up beneath his feet. He fell through immediately, his scream cut off as his head disappeared into the void.

          His scream continued, however, as his body remanifested inside a room located on another planet. He fell from the ceiling hard but landed painlessly on the thick, bouncy surface of an oversized hotel bed. Jerry’s body finally settled onto the fat comforter as the portal vanished. His eyes searched the room in a panic as they adjusted to the dim light of the sweet-smelling room. “Rick?”

          Finally, he saw him. The older man was standing by a polished and ornate dresser towards the foot of the bed. He was drinking something, presumably something far too strong for normal humans, from an intricate bottle with a long, thin neck and a phallic mouth. He seemed to be dressed quite normally upon first glance, but a moment of focus told a different story. 

          Rick Sanchez was standing there unashamed, completed naked—save for his lab coat—and hard up. 

          “Oooohhhhhh~!” Jerry purred and relaxed against the headboard. “Hello there~.” He chuckled in that way he thought was very sexy, then growled a little for emphasis as he eyed Rick’s straining rod. “Is that a rocket, Rick, or are you just happy to see me?” 

          Rick rolled his eyes and belched once loudly and sat the empty bottle on the dresser. “You’re really a dumbass, you know that, Jerry?” He saw his son-in-law shudder from the insult. The sight made his dick twitch, but he managed to easily keep himself in check upstairs. “I’m not dirty talking-urgh-trying to turn you on, you little piece of shit. I mean it. That’s just not how you even use that joke. I mean…” He gestured to his groin. “It’s all out in the-  There isn’t even any room for an innuendo here, Jerry. This is clearly my cock.”

          “Yes. It. Is~.” Not deterred in the least, Jerry wiggled his index finger to summon Rick over. “Now bring it over here so I can help launch this bad boy.” 

          Rick laughed, a short laugh filled with cruel judgment, but a genuinely amused one all the same. It had only been about a month, relevant Earth time, that the two had been sneaking around behind the rest of the family’s back and fucking. But when Rick was your partner, an eternity or a second was little more than perception and what kind of vessel or planet you were on. They’d fucked now almost a hundred times over, and that didn’t include the nightly blowjobs in the garage or the sneaky quickies in Jerry’s home office, the living room, or the kitchen–depending on who was or wasn’t home and how likely it was they could get away with it.  

          “Oh, yeah, Jerry?” Rick’s eyes enlarged. He spoke condescendingly and wore an expression like he was talking to a dumb puppy rather than an adult man. Rick grabbed his own meat and shook it a little. “Is this what you want?”

          Jerry blushed visibly and turned his head away. “Oh, come on, Rick. Why do you have to do the baby voice?” He laughed nervously. He hated to admit it but Rick’s foul mouth and constant mistreatment had become kind of a fetish for him. It was what got them into their first little “situation” in the first place. So, despite his protest, the thing in his pants Rick liked to call “Jerry’s sad little worm” was stirring to life. His base had already stiffened from the argument at the dinner table, but being teased like a dog with a bone—and how perfectly apropos—was sending a power rush of blood to his mortal prick. 

          That’s how he saw his piece up against Rick’s; his perky little human prick against Rick’s mighty, god-like schlong. Rick was smarter—so much smarter—and his body was impressive—so much more impressive—and Jerry loved both truths. He hated Rick for it too, but that only made him want the salty old fuck that much more. 

          “Ohhh,” Rick continued to coo. He started crawling on the end of the huge bed. It took him several paces on his hands and knees to get to Jerry’s feet. Rick loved giant alien love hotels. The beds were perfect for rough, rowdy sex. Still using the same tone, Rick asked,  “Did I upset the little bitch?”

          “Ri—ick~!” Jerry whined. 

          All at once, Rick’s expression turned mean and mischievous. His long fingers curled around Jerry’s rather effeminate ankles and he dragged the younger man down so that the tips of his shoes were by Rick’s exposed member and Rick’s face was near Jerry’s belt. 

          “Shut the fuck up, Jerry!” Rick scolded. His fingers locked into the belt loop and around the buckle. He scooted up and expertly removed the latch and pulled the strap of leather free. “You  _ are _ a dog, Jerry.” Rick broke the button’s threads as he tore at his son-in-law’s pants, eager to remove the obstacles. He could have done it a million different ways, but they both knew how tonight’s session was going to go. 

          They had been interrupted three fucking times since dawn. The last time had been a particular mess because Rick had already been balls deep when Morty had decided just then to run into the garage, screaming for help. Luckily, he had accidentally blasted himself blind with the laser can opener, so even though he smelled the musk of sex, he hadn’t realized why. But the boy’s interruption had meant that Rick had to pull out before he was even close to blowing, which he honestly found even more irritating because it meant he couldn’t just jack it for a couple seconds afterwards to relieve the pressure. 

          Due to all of these mishaps, Jerry had been left with a hungry, burning ass hole all afternoon, and Rick had been itching for an inconspicuous excuse that—if he thought about later, he’d realize was completely unnecessary—would lead to their separation from the family and, finally, the return to their filthy act. 

          “Damn it, Rick! These are nice pants, you know? You could at least pretend you care about this family’s financial situation.” Jerry sounded legitimately peeved, but that just encouraged the old man more. 

          “I said…!” Rick gripped the sides of Jerry’s pants and underwear in balled fists and jerked the other man’s hips violently upward before jerking the material down off of his ass, down his thighs, and awkwardly to his ankles. The horny scientist gave his son’s swelling sausage a quick glance before he grabbed hold of Jerry’s thick hips. He flipped the man over in one, almost swift motion. 

          Jerry gasped as he felt his ass cheeks hit the open air, spreading to reveal his painstakingly groomed undercarriage. The air was cool against his hot flesh. The sensation of being so forcibly handled and put on display made his dick fatten up and stretch out until it looked like a proper five and a half inch prick. 

          “...shut up!” Rick finished his statement and watched with starving eyes at the way Jerry’s asshole puckered and breathed with him. Rick grabbed his own dick with one hand and gave it three hard pumps, just enough to pull a small string of cock drool from his tip. He stole the precum from his plump glands’ slit and shoved the vile fluid over the taught ring of Jerry’s backdoor. 

          “Oooouuuuugh,” Jerry moaned loudly. His thighs quivered and his tiny paunch sucked in as his core tightened. 

          Rick observed how the simple, moist touch made Jerry’s spine arch upward a little and his balls lift. These were some of the best reasons to fuck a guy, Rick thought. As he not-so-delicately pushed his index finger inside, he witnessed everything that had happened before, but happening at a much faster and more intense rate. 

          “No, Rick,” Jerry whined. “It’s too swollen from earlier. You have to-you know-be more gentle.”

          Rick pulled his finger out with a quiet wet pop. He wiped it off on Jerry’s ass demeaningly and then grabbed the belt he had tossed beside him earlier. 

          “Thank you,” Jerry had started to say, but he only got out the first half before he felt his face being smacked and then strangled by something. It took him a moment too long to realize what it was and what had happened. By then, his teeth were already pressing into the stiff material of his second favorite belt. 

          Rick tightened the makeshift gag and tied it off so that it couldn’t easily be loosened. He chuckled, proud of himself, and sat back to look at the whole picture. 

          “Who’s the expert?” Rick asked. His tone was demanding and lacking any sympathy for the bound man. When he could hear Jerry trying to respond with anything but the muffled admittance he wanted, he gave the man’s bottom a rough, open-handed slap. “Wrong,” he said. Then he repeated his question. 

          “You are,” Jerry forced around the gag. 

          “That’s right,” Rick said proudly. Maybe he was a little human after all, and maybe the Parsketian liquor had made him a little drunk, but who cared? Certainly the two men that mattered didn’t! “And who’s the little  **bitch** that needs to let the  _ expert _ do his thing,  _ Jerry _ ?” 

          “You are,” the bitch tried to say. 

          “Good boy,” Rick praised. He stroked Jerry’s right cheek like the flank of a timid beast, speaking suddenly more calmly. “Tha-eurghp! That’s right, Jerry. That’s a good man. N-now just hold still.” It seemed the alcohol and other chemicals in the drink were just taking their time to take effect. His cock was already starting to drip, a steady stream of precum bubbling up from his sack and oozing from his crown. Parsketian liquor really was damn good shit. Rick was rearing and ready to go- and go- and go.

          “Mmmmnnnm,” Rick moaned. “Look at you, Jerry. Look at your ass, Jerry! You can’t, but fuck-! You really did it, huh, you obedient little bitch? You took daddy’s advice, d-urrghp! D-didn’t you?” The nickname daddy was a forbidden taboo Rick only used in a few very, very special cases. Oddly enough, he didn’t mind humoring Jerry’s nasty little fetish by using it. It felt right with him, somehow that Rick didn’t care to figure. “You’re ass is smooth, Jerry. So fucking smooth that it would probably be pointless to lube you up. I could probably just slip right in there. Wouldn’t even have to slick you up. Your that smooth. I’m really impressed. Hairless, Jerry! I know how hard that is when you’re doing it solo. I have crazy respect for that, Jerry. I give you props.” 

          Jerry had started wiggling his hips at the threat of being penetrated raw and dry, but his prick was now a dark, bloodshot red. The one thick vein that showed up only when he was really into it protruded, making an interesting bit of cartography leading from Jerry’s left nut all the way up to just under the ringlet of his glands’ under belly. It was smooth and sensitive to the touch, though handling it always made Jerry shoot almost instantly. His stamina, sexually speaking, had improved thanks to all his time with Rick, at least where Rick was concerned, but that protruding line got him off faster than his prostate still all the same.

          Rick nodded in response to Jerry’s muffled complaints and whining. “Your right, though. It’d be a fucking waste to not take a little advantage before your full of my cream filling, right? Hahaaa! Get it? Cuz “cream pie” is what they call it when you-“

          “Mmmmghrrmn!!!” Jerry bounced on his knees hard to force Rick’s attention. He didn’t want Rick rambling on about disgusting search engine keywords. He wanted Rick to fuck him.

          “Right…” Rick said, droning off and getting his head back in the game. Yes, he was definitely drunk. He thought to himself then that downing three bottles before Jerry even arrived had probably been a mistake. 

          Rick laughed briefly and focused on that white boy ass. “Hey, Jerry. Hey, Jerry.” Rick repeated this mantra as his fingers kneaded the plush globes patiently. He kept going until Jerry tried to say “what, Rick” in an obviously annoyed tone. “I’m going by to fuck you, Jerry. Fuck. You.”

          Jerry started to say, “ Well, that would be nice, Rick.” However, his muffled words and thought were stopped short by a very pleasant sensation that rang through his nerves like a huge bell’s toll. He could feel his father-in-law’s tongue lapping all through the crack between his spread cheeks, paying particular attention to his sensitive ring of muscle. 

          Jerry’s fingers gripped the surface cushions firmly and his belly pushed out as his back arched inward, giving his ass further elevation. He groaned and bit down on the belt and gnashed the thick material between his teeth. Spittle seeped out between the edges of his lips and coated the cheap, smooth leather band.

          Rick’s tongue drew in the flavor of human flesh, but he was surprised by how clean it tasted. He noted without much depth that Jerry must have cleaned up before dinner, anticipating the evening ahead. It was vaguely impressive, but those feelings took back seat to Rick’s lustier ones. 

          He rolled the tip of his tongue over the soft skin of Jerry’s taint and tickled it with firm pressure until he was sure he could smell Jerry’s arousal starting to heat up. It didn’t take much to get Jerry worked to the edge, even after all the training. Still, Rick tested him with a sneaky little trip to Jerry’s quivering sack. He opened his mouth wide and popped one nut into his mouth and started sucking on the sack. He kept his teeth pulled carefully back as he worked, like he was sucking on a jaw breaker and didn’t want to hurt his teeth. In reality, it was for Jerry’s sake he did this, not his own. 

          The teasing worked because Jerry started making those high-pitched moans Rick loved so much. When Rick slurped the rest of the sack into his mouth and started fondling the huge nuts with his tongue, Jerry let out an almost womanly cry and popped off all over the fresh hotel bedspread. Rick pulled off Jerry’s balls with a resounding, sloppy noise. He reached forward and caressed the other man’s twitching length and purposefully tickled the sensitive spot under his crown. 

          At that, Jerry bucked his hips into Rick’s hand and he shook and tensed all over as a full load came full force. His prick spat up a small pool before Jerry’s upper body finally collapsed from exhaustion. He painted heavily around the gag, ass still high in the air, kept aloft on locked knees. 

          Rick pulled his hand, the one now coated with Jerry jizz, back and examined it. No, Jerry didn’t have much stamina. However, what he lacked for in being able to hold off, he more than made up for in other ways.

          Rick grinned and placed his index and middle finger up to Jerry’s gasping ass hole. He gave no warning for his next motion. He just curved his digits gently and gave them a firm push, and all at once he was feeling out the silky, hot inner walls of his Jerry’s ass. 

          The younger man’s head shot back and he gasped and yelled something inaudible back at Rick. Then his face was burried in a pillow he instinctively reached up for to drown out his screams into and his body was rocking. 

          “Your ass, Jerry,” Rick explained. “It’s always so much better after you’ve cummed. You’re tight as hell, but then….” Rick hooked his fingers downward and probed at the area he knew would make Jerry’s bladder quake. Jerry started to cry out again in that pretty, high-pitched way Rick liked. Then his ass started to do something that was special to the family. To the men in Jerry’s line, Rick imagined. Something all Jerrys Rick knew of could do, at least, and that trick was to loosen up all at once and accept what the hell ever was given to it. Rick had learned to take unimaginable loads in the butt, but like father like son, and Jerry was a natural. His ass puckered and opened around Rick’s probing fingers. The lustful hunger and the weeks of practice made it easier, but Rick was still impressed every time by that ass. It made him think about—

          “Oh god, Rick!!!” Jerry blurted out around the belt. He started rocking his hips, begging for more as he felt all rational thought flood out of his head. Rick was the only one who ruptured his dams that way, that made everything come pouring out until there was nothing left but a sleeve for the madman’s cock. 

          Rick forced another finger in and rushed his attack. His rod was sore and his balls were so tight feeling he thought whatever cord was being wound up in them might snap any moment. In just a few messy, noisy seconds, Rick was adding the fourth finger and grinding along Jerry’s inners like a harmless, pounding scooper. He kept curling his fingers when his hand disappeared to the base of his thumb. He was grabbing at Jerry’s insides and rolling them against themselves. 

          Finally, with both men panting now, Rick managed to pull his hand free, ball his fingers in tightly, and force his entire fist into Jerry’s suddenly resistant ass.

          Tears of agonizing pleasure fell down Jerry’s cheeks. He couldn’t form words, even in his mind now, but he was overwhelmed with unadulterated passion. He knew in that emotional way that he loved Rick. He wanted to scream it, but his empty mind and the gag in his mouth kept him from vocalizing any coherent words. Instead, he bucked back hard and let his dick flail and smack his thighs. He whimpered and whined and called out in that embarrassing way he only ever did with Rick, for Rick, because of Rick. 

          Rick rammed his fist into Jerry until he could could feel those squelching walls accept their fate. By then, his own thighs were coated in a thin layer of precum that the alien beverage had tickled out of his needy member. His crown was flushed a dark, purple-tinted red and was gleaming as it drooled eagerly. 

          “Fuck,” Rick growled. He pulled his hand free and watched briefly in awe as Jerry’s body tried to return to a normal, less opened state. His asshole was parted just slightly, just enough that Rick could see the inner bright fleshy hue beyond the darker colored ring. Rick lined his flushed crown to the entrance and took in a deep breath. He knew it’d be a relatively easy go, but there was always some concern where his big dick and small holes were concerned. 

          With one last moment of sensibility, Rick reached forward and tugged on the belt. Jerry took the hint and incoherently helped pull the thing loose. He let it sit limply around his shoulders and pushed the side of his face back into the pillow as soon as the deed was done. “Rick,” he pleaded. “Please. Fuck me–!”

          That was the only invitation Rick needed to press forward. 

          The thick balloon of his cock’s head stretched the taught flesh ring open to its limits and then right past them. All the pressure gave way at once and the first few inches of Rick’s cock drove into Jerry’s aching form. Jerry screamed at the top of his lungs, crying out, “Rick! Yes!” His body hurt terribly for a split second and then all of the pain turned into masochistic pleasure. His legs were locked up from the shock to his system but he still needed Rick’s dick to scrape along his inner walls. “Move!” was his only available order, and it came out more like a poor man begging for his life than a command.

          Rick obeyed regardless and started thrusting his hips. He worked the first few inches out to the rim of his crown, which tugged and refused to be removed from its happy home, and then pushed back inside with a surprising mix of force and control. 

          Rick fucked Jerry that way for only a few minutes, filling the crying man’s ass with a thick layer of spunk thanks to the liquor, until Jerry got feeling back in his legs. The brunet suddenly jerked forward, nearly pulling off of Rick’s mass, and then slammed himself backwards. He gasped and let out a silent, breathless scream as his body was pierced by Rick’s formidable rod. His plush ass pressed to Rick’s boney hips. He could feel his father-in-law’s sack pressing against the bottom of his. 

          After a moment, it was Rick that finally moved. His sharp fingers dug into Jerry’s hips. He pushed the man forward, loving the long, slow, complete drag of Jerry’s body over his coated length. He savored it, took his time with the pull back. Then he slammed his hips forward and hurried his blade to the hilt once more. This became the new rhythm: a slow drag out and then a rushing pass back inside. Then Rick let his eagerness get the best of him. He started slamming into Jerry, railing him full throttle. 

          Their hips eventually rocked in tune, pulling and pushing opposite one another to create maximum friction. Then it was up to Rick entirely and Jerry fell limp, lost in the surging pleasure and unable to work his own muscles anymore. The younger male could taste bitter bile in the back of his throat from the fucking, but he didn’t mind. He loved it. He loved Rick. He loved being used like a sex toy by his legally-binding father. It felt better than good, a hell of a lot better, and it was what made Jerry’s loins stir even when Rick was seriously just being a dick around the house. Fucking around with Rick felt right. How could that be a bad thing?

          “R-R-R-Rick-k-k….” Jerry whimpered the broken name as his cock hung exhausted from its many spendings, bouncing about in time with Rick’s rough hits. His body still felt incredible despite the fact it was used. He could feel Rick’s fingernails cutting into the skin of his hips. It felt wonderful, like Rick might never let go. He knew what it really meant though, that Rick was about to break.

          “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Rick growled feverishly through gritted teeth. His sack and abdomen were as tight as they could pull. His lab coat was soaked with sweat. His grip tightened as he gave it all to hold back, but there was no stopping it. 

          Sanchez pushed his hips in one last time and planted his seed where no one would ever find it again. Thick shots of translucent white pooled out of him as he jerked his hips against Jerry’s. His hands kept Jerry in place as Rick threw his head back and let out a long, loud groan. He finished off in his favorite way, by filling his partner with a steaming hot stream of piss. Jerry overflowed quickly and Rick had to pull out to keep from hurting either one of them. 

          Clear urine, thick with the smell of sex, splashed against Jerry’s ass cheeks and soaked his lower half completely. The backsplash drenched Rick’s already sweat-coated front side, and then all that mess absorbed into the top surfaces of the bedspread. The comforter was audibly squishy and the fluid had poured down and wet Jerry’s spine and hair before Rick finally finished up. 

          All that chugging had been worth it. Totally worth it. 

          Rick flopped down beside Jerry on the wet bed. Under his head was mostly dry, not that he cared, and he almost fell asleep from how relaxed he felt. Then Jerry moved and curled up in the knook of his arm. His breath tickled Rick’s nipple, which the scientist also didn’t mind. 

          “I love you, Rick.” Jerry’s honesty wasn’t out of the ordinary, so Rick didn’t scold him any more like he had the first time. Secretly, it felt great to hear. He didn’t say it back usually, though. Jerry had come to accept it, as best he could anyway. Rick would let him snuggle up close, and that was good enough of an accepting gesture to make Jerry smile and want to cry again. Every time.

          Rick placed his hand on the back of Jerry’s head and started to stroke his scalp with the tips of his fingers, slowly, gently, lovingly. “Don’t start crying, or I won’t do it anymore,” he embarrassingly warned.

          Jerry held back. It was even better than usual.

          After a long while, Jerry spoke up. “The room’s really nice.”

          “Uh-huh.” Rick sounded half asleep.

          “I like it.”

          “Mmmnm. Good.”

          “Did you pay for it?”

          “Duh. Wha-what kind of monster do you take me for?” He sounded a little more put together, but his retort didn’t have the full snap it usually did.

          “No! No. I just meant it must have cost a small fortune.” 

          “You haven’t even seen the free food service or the hot tub or the big ass TV in the chilling room. Jeeze.”

          Jerry lifted his head up which startled Rick. They made eye contact and Rick could read the concern in Jerry’s expression. 

          “Ugh. Don’t look at me like that.” That look was between romantic flattery and “why the hell would you pay that much for a quick fuck room?” “Look, it didn’t cost much.” Jerry clearly didn’t believe him. “On Beatos 5 shitty hotels are in and fancy hotels are out." That apparently wasn't explanation enough so he continued, trying to make it as simple as possible for his son-in-law. "Okay. They’ve got these factories that can pump out amazing hotels, Jerry.” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that. And the materials don’t rot or have any natural predators and they can keep a whole place running with androids and stuff so they don’t need to pay shitty fleshier workers to do a shitty job. It’s not cost effective. So they  have to work harder to make them look shittier and used.”

          Rick waited. He swore he could actually hear the gears in Jerry’s head trying to turn. Jerry noticed Rick’s quiet impatience and judgment and just shrugged. “So it’s cheaper to stay here than a roach motel back home.” 

          “I mean, more or less.” 

          “Nice.” 

          Jerry laid back down, his head resting on Rick’s  chest. He liked that being there he could hear Rick’s human-enough heart beating. It was a simple reminder that the man was, in fact, not some unexplainable deity. He was just Rick, Jerry’s pain in the ass father-in-law with a magical portal making gun. That was comforting.

          “Yeah. Nice.”

          A short while passed and Jerry decided he couldn’t take the gross feeling of the drying mess any longer. He sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. He took off his shirt, only getting his head stuck in the neck hole for a second, and stretched out his arms high above his head. Rick mused about whether or not Jerry realized his socks, shoes, and pants were still on at his ankles or not.

          “Want to go again after I shower off?”

          Rick grinned and sat up, rolling his head and cracking his stiff neck. “Why wait? I’ll order dinner and we can ruin the hot tub before the bell boy even gets here.”

          Rick chased after Jerry. He had booked the room for a full week. Luckily, this close to a black hole meant they could screw around all week and only be gone an hour and twelve minutes back home.

          Before their next session began, Rick thought absently that Morty might like to visit one of these fancy hotels sometime too, but that would be a different episode some other week.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
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